Lost in Thoughts

I log in my facebook account. No notifications.
I check for mail. None.
I open my twitter account to tweet. Nothing strikes my head.
I check my blog stats. No change.
I open another tab to study about 'Smart Materials' but I simply cannot concentrate in them.
Something is missing in my life. But what is it?

What am I doing with my life?
Where am I headed?
Why am I wasting so much time?
Why am I becoming an Insomniac?
What is it that I want and what is it that I got?
Why am I even asking so many questions?

I seem to be jobless.
I seem to be useless.
I seem to lack talent.
I seem to be nothing.

I have nothing to look forward to.
I have nothing to relish.

I don't make use of what I've got.
I don't make sure I get what I want.

In this world, I just wander.
Wander with no thoughts, no ideas, no innovations
But with a mind that is empty and a heart that is dark.

There is a never ending path with
No trees and No shade
No breeze and No lake
No pain and No gain

It's just me and my empty self.
Relating my life to that song which I found depressing.

Going through facebook profiles of long lost friends
Wishing life can be rewound
Wishing I didn't do what I did
Wishing things went differently.

In this life, I seem to be able to only wish
And wish and just wish.

Everything seems impossible.
Everything seems unattainable.

-Shreeji

I miss you.

I miss you.
I miss you a lot.

I miss the chat during lectures.
I miss solving C structures.
I miss the geek talks we had.
I miss the intimate stuff we shared.

Never thought it would end this way,
Never thought it would go astray.
Never thought I would miss you so much.
Never though I would need you this much.

What I wanted was more than friendship.
What you had wanted was the same-
But somehow you didn't believe i it anymore;
Or was it something even more?

You got your promise,
To always stay in touch.
I forgot to get yours,
And now I miss you much.

-Shreeji

Is it really that Important?

beauty n. - The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality.

Almost everyone forget the part of it which is to be truthful and original. Everyone is so stuck up on how they look externally that they forget the inner beauty which is the most important part! I don't understand why people give so much importance to how others look let alone themselves. These are the continuous comments I get from people.

My classmates: Why don't you let your hair free? It looks good on you.
My mind : I can't concentrate my classes if I let it free. I'm not gonna waste my time adjusting it every nanosecond!

My sister: What kind of sister are you? You don't use nail polish, and you call yourself a girl! And what is this plaiting your hair? You call yourself a college student?

My mind : I don't give a shit to my nails, so just stop bossing me!

My Aunt: Why don't you wear a pony than a plait? Plaits don't go with jeans
My mind : Why is everyone bothered about my hair?

My Grandma: Don't you get bored of your earrings? Why don't you change them everyday so that they match your clothes? I saw the students outside your college, you don't look like you belong there.
My mind : -_-

My Dad: Look at your face, How much pimples you have got. Why don't you take care of yourself?

My mind. Grrrr...

Why does everyone want me to look good when I don't give a damn? Is it really that important to be attractive? What happened to 'Smile is the best ornament a girl could wear'? When 'All that glitters is not gold', why does everyone want to be glittery and want their loved ones to be glittery as well?  

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So what may look beautiful to me, may not be appealing to you. I'm absolutely fine the way I am. So, 

If you're gonna say that I'm not gonna get any guy If I don't follow those standards, SO WHAT? In fact I don't want a guy who goes by the looks. I'm not gonna have friends to whom looks matters. If you're gonna say that there is no one in this damn world to whom looks don't matter other than me, then fine I don't mind being a loner.

I read this comic strip of Tiger a few years back which goes like this: (unfortunately I couldn't find the strip itself)


Bonnie: (Looking at the beauty products in Suzy's bag) This gives you beauty that is only skin deep.
Suzy: That is good enough for me.. cause that's the part that shows.


But remember this,

A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears. 

-Shreeji


P.S. This is my last post as a kid :P