Stuck in a Mess!

What am I stuck in!? Seriously! Feels like one huge mess! On one hand, I feel guilty. On the other I feel my stance is absolutely right. And it's the I-don't-open-up-thing all over again! I am like that. Period. I don't know why! It's just how it is. End of story. Something I wrote in reply for a something that went like this: "I don't know if it's already over but I hope it is not. You know I like you most in the class and I still do.The mistake can be on either sides. Both of us are offended. Why not just talk and set things right? I don't know your mindset 'cause you never tell about it. But if you are offended I'm sorry and I meant every word."

I don't know what to say;
I just forget things right away.
There are things I wish never happened.
There are also stuff I wish I told.
I know I don't open up,
But it's just because I suck at it;
And sometimes I don't want to open up,
For reasons which words can't say.
I know I'm one complicated person,
I know it's tough when one gets close to me,
But somehow, I don't mind being that way.
The reason - I don't know how to say.
There are so many things I want you to know,
I don't know the right way, so I keep them low.
There was this huge rush of thoughts the other evening,
And then, just an empty mind.
All I know is that I'm exhausted-
To think, to talk, to analyse.
May be some day when I feel better,
May be some day when I'm stronger,
May be some day...

-Shreeji

Principles

(If you don't know me, there is no point in reading it. Those who do know me, well, I have nothing to say.)

I have a few principles in my life and I stick to it. Like big time!
1) I stick to my word. When I tell someone I'll do it, then I'll do it. I don't believe that the word promise must be used for a person to stick to their word 'cause I haven't used it till date but I have stuck to what I have said.
2) I don't lie. That doesn't mean I'll tell the truth, but I won't lie.
3) I don't comment on others, be it good or bad. I don't gossip, and I never will.
It just pisses me so much when I'm in a position to break one of them.

Recently, I had an argument with two of my classmates one of whom I considered as my friend before. And if anyone of you is reading it, I'm sure you'll guess it wrong. I fell into the argument because they wanted to make last minute changes and I was against it because it involved another human being even though I'm not very fond of that person. All I wanted to do was do no more changes to it. The classmate wanted to change - expected, but my former-thought-to-be-a-friend did, I was surprised.

What is wrong with people? Why are they so self-centered to see nothing beyond themselves? I'm not that great a person who does good deeds and all, but I would never do something like that. And when you vouch for something other than yourself, all that happens is that you get screwed. And now, the whole class is against me. Apparently, they heard a more manipulated version of it. Expect for the "I won't make any last minute changes part" they thought it was the "I'm not gonna let you take out the I'm-not-fond-of-human-being".

And now, all of sudden I have no one to share what I feel. It's just me and this keyboard which can only give words and not expression. Just this page in front of me which can provide me enough space to vent out all my feelings, but not a word in return to comfort me.

Now, I don't know if what I did was right. They say that people around you are the way you are to them. So does that mean I'm as selfish as they are? Does that mean I'm that narrow-minded as they are? I don't know anymore.

-Shreeji