Broken things

Have you ever seen something break? No, I'm not talking about seeing an object intact and then the broken pieces. Have you seen it break? When, say a vase, is knocked off the table, have you noticed the moment it starts falling, unaware of it's fate? The quick fall followed by the moment when it touches the ground and realizes it's too late. The first sign of the cracks which quickly spreads and before you know it, right before you're eyes, it's in pieces.You could have done nothing. Or is it possible that you could have caught it mid air? Or put your palms on the floor right where it was going to fall to decrease the impact on it, thereby hurting your palms? It was all so slow, in hyper definition and all so fast at the same time. Its life has ended even before you realized that it was falling.

There is a word in Japanese - Kintsukuroi which means to repair with gold. It is the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that piece is more beautiful for having been broken. Did you notice that the pieces are repaired with gold or silver which stand at Rs 3000/- and Rs 38/- per gram respectively? And if you type kintsukuroi in google, it only shows images of pottery mended with gold and hardly any with silver (I found none). Why does it take something so costly, not easily available to make the broken vase beautiful? Why can't I just put it together with Feviquik (super glue) and expect everyone to consider it beautiful? I can also paint over it, have a nice mural of some kind. But wait, that might mean I want to hide that it's broken. How many of us can afford gold? Not to forget all the instruments to mend the pot. Many of us will just replace the pot with a better one and for some of us, to whom the vase was special, we will sweep every piece of it from the floor, carefully cover it with paper and hide it in some corner of the loft hoping that someday, it will see daylight when things are better. Until then, all that's left are the memories, the stories that we will tell our guests when they spot the empty space and ask why there is nothing there. We'll say how it stayed with us for so many years, all the times it was almost broken and the last time it did; Only to see a day when we spot another one in the showroom and buy it. But will we have the heart to place the new vase in the same place or will we make some new place for this one?

Stage Fear.

I have done much worse. It simply cannot get worse. 

You have no idea. 

It cannot. It's okay, what's the worst that can happen? I forget a few sentences, jumble up words. It's not like I am going to go dumb. 

You're addressing the leaders today. You have never done this before. 

So? They are still people. And this is simply MC anyway. I can do it. I know. They picked me because they thought I was good enough. 

And you are you going to disappoint them all. Show them they have made a wrong choice. 

Shut up. They are settling down. I'll have my cue soon.

*Frantically goes through the lines to say*

"Good Evening everyone."

Shit. What was that sentence again?

*Small peak into the tiny paper crumbled in hand*

You weren't supposed to look and read.

I know.

*Manage to say a few words after a lot of stumbling*

Did they just notice how nervous I am? Was that look supposed to mean that?
Yes.

Oh my God. That's the General Manager of *Department*. The guy everyone looks up to. Did he just look at me like that?
Yes, he did.

You're not helping.

I am simply answering your questions.

*Try to disappear to the Sidelines*

What was I thinking? These are Global Leaders. Years of experience. All in one hall. What am I doing here? How did I get here? 

Luck. 

I am literally bringing down the IQ of this hall by my mere presence. What was I even thinking saying yes to this? Argh. These are people I will probably never ever get to meet. They are here, listening to me and I am screwing it up. 

Told you. You should have prepared better. 

You didn't tell me that and I know. I did prepare well. Well enough. I think. 

Clearly, it wasn't enough. 

It's okay, I'll do it better in the next half. 

*Tries to listen to the speaker*

Did he just say “cool guy”? Okay, so why did they make a huge fuss about all the words I had picked for the MC? These people read too much into the words. Thank god they aren’t here to see how badly I screwed up.

It went just like your first speech 6 years back.
I didn’t have to be reminded of that.
Remember how you repeated the same sentence over and over again for 5 minutes because you forgot all your other points?
I didn’t exactly repeat the same sentence. They were simply different angles to the topic. It was supposed to go like that.
Yeah, right. Keep telling yourself that.
Moreover, that was 6 years back in front of all my classmates. Look at how far I have come. I have done a lot more than I would have imagined. I have come a really long way. Yes, there is a longer way to go but I did MC that big event in college last time.
It was in front of your juniors.
So? They videotaped it to be uploaded on YouTube! That’s huge. And I still did not mess it up.
*The speaker ends his speech*
That’s your cue.
Shit. I was supposed to go through the lines before I go to the stage. You distracted me.
I didn’t do anything.
*Speak a lot without stammering*
Hey! That wasn’t so bad.
*Speak some more.*
Okay, I am getting the hang of this.
*Mess up the order of names.*
Shit, that wasn’t the order.
*Mispronounces the names*

Oh my God. Who has names like that?
You should have gone through the names before. You haven’t prepared well enough.
Shit. I am done for.
When will this get over? I want to disappear from this place.
A little too late, don’t you think?

I don’t ever want to meet any of them ever again. Ever. God. How can someone screw up so badly?

Too bad. You have got leaders from all the Functions. Plus almost everyone from HR. Independent of where you go, they will remember you as the girl who messed up the MC that day.

Oh please, that’s just exaggeration.
You don’t think so?
I’m going to eat a Brownie with Ice cream and hide in my room.
You can’t hide forever. You’ll probably meet them tomorrow.
I will be sick tomorrow.

-Shreeji