Stage Fear.

I have done much worse. It simply cannot get worse. 

You have no idea. 

It cannot. It's okay, what's the worst that can happen? I forget a few sentences, jumble up words. It's not like I am going to go dumb. 

You're addressing the leaders today. You have never done this before. 

So? They are still people. And this is simply MC anyway. I can do it. I know. They picked me because they thought I was good enough. 

And you are you going to disappoint them all. Show them they have made a wrong choice. 

Shut up. They are settling down. I'll have my cue soon.

*Frantically goes through the lines to say*

"Good Evening everyone."

Shit. What was that sentence again?

*Small peak into the tiny paper crumbled in hand*

You weren't supposed to look and read.

I know.

*Manage to say a few words after a lot of stumbling*

Did they just notice how nervous I am? Was that look supposed to mean that?
Yes.

Oh my God. That's the General Manager of *Department*. The guy everyone looks up to. Did he just look at me like that?
Yes, he did.

You're not helping.

I am simply answering your questions.

*Try to disappear to the Sidelines*

What was I thinking? These are Global Leaders. Years of experience. All in one hall. What am I doing here? How did I get here? 

Luck. 

I am literally bringing down the IQ of this hall by my mere presence. What was I even thinking saying yes to this? Argh. These are people I will probably never ever get to meet. They are here, listening to me and I am screwing it up. 

Told you. You should have prepared better. 

You didn't tell me that and I know. I did prepare well. Well enough. I think. 

Clearly, it wasn't enough. 

It's okay, I'll do it better in the next half. 

*Tries to listen to the speaker*

Did he just say “cool guy”? Okay, so why did they make a huge fuss about all the words I had picked for the MC? These people read too much into the words. Thank god they aren’t here to see how badly I screwed up.

It went just like your first speech 6 years back.
I didn’t have to be reminded of that.
Remember how you repeated the same sentence over and over again for 5 minutes because you forgot all your other points?
I didn’t exactly repeat the same sentence. They were simply different angles to the topic. It was supposed to go like that.
Yeah, right. Keep telling yourself that.
Moreover, that was 6 years back in front of all my classmates. Look at how far I have come. I have done a lot more than I would have imagined. I have come a really long way. Yes, there is a longer way to go but I did MC that big event in college last time.
It was in front of your juniors.
So? They videotaped it to be uploaded on YouTube! That’s huge. And I still did not mess it up.
*The speaker ends his speech*
That’s your cue.
Shit. I was supposed to go through the lines before I go to the stage. You distracted me.
I didn’t do anything.
*Speak a lot without stammering*
Hey! That wasn’t so bad.
*Speak some more.*
Okay, I am getting the hang of this.
*Mess up the order of names.*
Shit, that wasn’t the order.
*Mispronounces the names*

Oh my God. Who has names like that?
You should have gone through the names before. You haven’t prepared well enough.
Shit. I am done for.
When will this get over? I want to disappear from this place.
A little too late, don’t you think?

I don’t ever want to meet any of them ever again. Ever. God. How can someone screw up so badly?

Too bad. You have got leaders from all the Functions. Plus almost everyone from HR. Independent of where you go, they will remember you as the girl who messed up the MC that day.

Oh please, that’s just exaggeration.
You don’t think so?
I’m going to eat a Brownie with Ice cream and hide in my room.
You can’t hide forever. You’ll probably meet them tomorrow.
I will be sick tomorrow.

-Shreeji